responsible divorce   Responsible Divorce

Child custody, support and the laws

Terms like child custody, child support and visitation are not the language of the heart. They are family law, and they have a cold, administrative feel.

Most importantly, these legal concepts reflect the laws' approach to dealing with conflict between parents. They have an adversarial connotation: there's a winner and a loser. They put parents on opposite sides. This kind of language is not conducive to finding a way that both parents can continue parenting after divorce.

The real language of parenting is about love,  parenting time and parenting responsibilities.

You'll do well to remember, even in the heat of battle, that child custody, visitation and child support are only means to an end - parenting your children. Whenever possible, leave the legal terms aside. Think in terms of parenting time and parenting responsibilities. These phrases put the focus where it should be - on parenting. This will help parents focus on their common goal - be good parents to their children.

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