favorable definitions of "responsible divorce"
The following provides a sample of how a sample of people have defined "responsible divorce". Each entry in this page is a relatively short extract of the information that was sent to us. Below each entry, there is a link to the full text that was sent to us, including a description of the situation of the person who wrote that entry.
These definitions are generally positive. There is also a page giving samples of unfavorable opinions about "responsible divorce".
Responsible Divorce should mean that you both raise the children in their interest first. You have to let the each parent live a new life as well.
My daughters called my home "home" and dad's home, "dad's house." After a while, they realized that BOTH homes were their homes.
I believe a responsible divorce is one that isolates
the adult conflict from the child(ren).
A child who knows the money situation ("I can't afford it, your father doesn't pay adequate support" or "ask your mother, she has all the money") & has information on why the relationship broke down or how the court proceedings are faring (including knowledge of court dates & content of pleadings) knows too much adult information.
Children do not petition their parents for divorce and cannot adequately influence the resulting hostilities /negotiations / compromises. they are vulnerable to manipulation (guilt or fear of losing a parent's love & protection).
"Responsible divorce" means divorce that attempts to lessen the trauma and disruption of the children's lives as much as possible, in order to raise people that are emotionally stable and productive members of the society as a whole.
My definition of a socially responsible divorce starts
with both married persons accepting their contributions to the failure
of their marriage and that things would be better for themselves and
their children if they were to lead separate lives. A socially responsible
divorce also implies that both people take responsibility for the proper
upbringing of their children.
If I want my son to become a good adult I must show him coping skills and negotiation for the sake of others needs. In a socially responsible divorce, the friends and families are not expected to take sides and the children are not asked to choose which parent is right or wrong. Two people decide to get married and two people decide to get a divorce.
The child does not ask to be born nor does he ask to get divorced.
To me this would mean that despite the husband/wife relationship coming to an end, the parent/children relationship should continue. Since it is unlikely that the parents can remain in the same home, this means that there will now be two homes to provide for the family. The purpose of child support had originally meant that the children should have the type of life they would have had if there had not been a divorce. Since the parents are now in separate homes, the financial resources that had once been shared prevents the children from having 'the type of life they would have had'. BOTH parents should realize that a sacrifice must be made by BOTH parents to assure that the children have a decent place for BOTH parents.
My definition of Responsible Divorce is very simple.
Children are the most important responsibility a person assumes in life.
That statement, to me, is as axiomatic as the laws of physics. Marriage
relationships should be dissolved if need be not parent/child relationships.
Presumptive shared parenting is the only responsible, rational, and
spiritual answer to the destructive practices tolerated in society today.
To me, a responsible divorce is one that focuses
on the children involved. I believe that parents need to put their children's
feelings first, regardless of their feelings for one another. I'm not
saying that parents should stay married because their children want
them to. I'm saying that parents need to think about how every event
that takes place during a divorce will affect their child or children.
Failing to do so will hurt the child in many ways. A child's heart and
mind are to be #1 in consideration in a "socially responsible" divorce.
I believe all parents have a shared responsibility to provide care and nurturing to children they have brought into this world. It is my belief that there should be a presumption of joint physical custody in all divorces of parents of minor children.
It does indeed take both parents to help children in such situations.
See also: Demystifying Mindfulness: Active Pause®
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